so this is my new blog. I’m going to speak bluntly for the sake of speaking bluntly. I’m sure that many of you readers, with your own baggage and experiential dysfunctions, will think i have mental issues, or rage issues, or whatever emotional dysfunction you’ll subscribe to me, in order to either make this more palatable, or better yet, remain within your own self denial issues, to avoid dealing with yourself.
For me? I’m just fed up with being nice to people who are full of it and lie to themselves everyday, in order to make it from sunrise to sunset surrounding themselves with those who have the same dysfunctions, in order to feel a sense of belonging, with those who help them wallow in unity.
Besides, I see the world very differently than most of you. I don’t value money. I don’t see success as the car in my driveway, or the size of my golf driver.
I also don’t lie to myself. I suffer within it, since that at least is honest. I don’t blame anyone else for who i am, and i don’t make excuses for myself. I do however resent circumstances or different people in my past who have subjected me to their own selfishness, while they waved their banner of martyrdom in my face, to make their actions attitudes and cruelties ok, or justifiable. But that i suppose is the same as everyone else.
I’ve only experienced fear once in my life. One time. Nothing before that moment, or after that moment has ever remotely frightened me, or even come close to the cold dark chilll which enveloped my entire being, and i can’t tell anyone about it, since doing so, would without question, have me locked up in a padded room, because it wasn’t a physical tangible experience.
So, in light of that reality, for myself, I’m just going to speak bluntly about my feelings, thoughts, ideas, beliefs etc because there isn’t anything that anyone can do to me, and no, threat of death is actually boring. I can’t be threatened with that, since i don’t fear death. there isn’t anything about ceasing to exist which could possibly frighten me.
I have nothing to draw from to indicate experience as a being which no longer exists, so I can’t be threatened with what i have no understanding within.
just to let you know….
my oath? Be without fear in the face of my enemies. be brave and upright that God may love me. Speak the truth always even if it leads to my death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. that is my oath.
hate me for it, if you must. but i have nothing to lose, which already makes me more free than many of you. 
